A year ago this week, I stepped into the water not just to be baptized again, but to surrender everything I had been holding onto: fear, control, and a lifetime of anxiety that had become my constant companion. I had no idea how much that one step of obedience would change my life.

It’s been one year since my rebaptism, and I wanted to share what led me there, how it changed me, and how God replaced my anxiety with a peace that has never left.

My First Baptism: Checking a Box, Not Changing My Heart

I was 31 when I was baptized for the first time. I had just started attending church regularly for the first time in my life. Ironically, it all began with a college class. I was taking a World Religions course that required me to visit various places of worship and write a paper about my experiences. One Sunday, I walked into a Protestant church, and something made me want to come back.

At the time, my son, Cole, was just a year old, and I wanted him to be baptized. To have that happen, my husband and I had to become church members, which meant I had to be baptized first.

So I did it. But honestly, it was more of a formality than a faith decision. I thought baptism was something you checked off a spiritual to-do list, that if I did it, and if Cole did it, he’d be guaranteed a place in heaven. I didn’t understand what it truly meant to give my life to Jesus.

There was no emotion, no spiritual awakening, just a process. A few years later, that church changed its doctrine, and we left. I started searching again, hopping between churches, hoping to find one that felt like home.

Searching for Home

Eventually, we found a new church with a wonderful pastor and congregation. For a while, I thought we had found our place. I even felt the tug on my heart to be baptized again, to finally do it with intention this time.

But just as I was ready, everything shifted. The pastor left to plant a new church, and an associate pastor stepped in. When I asked about being rebaptized, he hesitated. He told me I didn’t need to do it again and reluctantly agreed only after what felt like an uncomfortable “Christianity pop quiz.”

He asked personal questions, quizzed me on my beliefs, and even reminded me to “dress modestly.” What struck me most was that not once did we open a Bible together. I left that meeting with a sinking feeling and the quiet realization that I wasn’t where God wanted me to be.

After praying and talking with my husband, we made the hard decision to leave that church, too. We tried another one, but it still didn’t feel right. I was growing discouraged. My faith felt distant, my mental health was slipping, and my anxiety was spiraling.

A few weeks after Easter, I had a serious nervous breakdown after church, a wake-up call that led me to therapy, medication, and eventually stepping away from my teaching job at a local Christian school. I stopped attending church altogether for months. I felt like I would never find a church home.

A Door Opens for My Son… and for Me

Then, one small email changed everything.

Our former church announced it was discontinuing its middle school ministry and suggested that families send their kids to a youth group at a different local church. Because of our connections through Cole’s Christian school, we knew the youth pastor and several of the kids there.

Cole decided to give it a try.

From his very first visit, he felt like he belonged. For months, I sat in the car during youth group nights, waiting while he attended. When winter came and sitting in a freezing car wasn’t an option anymore, I finally texted the youth pastor’s wife, a friend of mine, to ask if it would be okay for me to come inside for the adult service that ran at the same time. She said, “Of course!”

That first Wednesday night service filled my empty cup. I hadn’t felt so connected to a church, or to God, in years.

Before long, Cole asked if we could start attending Sunday services together. The answer was an easy yes. We were both ready.

The Day of My Rebirth

A few weeks into attending, one of Cole’s friends was baptized. It was the first time I’d ever seen a full submersion baptism. On the drive home, I asked Cole what he thought about being baptized himself. He said he’d think and pray about it.

A few weeks later, he told me he was ready. When I shared that with our lead pastor, he asked about my own baptism story. After hearing it, he gently suggested that rebaptism might be the right next step for me, too. He offered to sit down with both of us separately, open the Bible, and make sure we understood the commitment.

That meeting changed everything.

We read scripture together, including the verse that’s still etched on my heart:

“But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” Matthew 6:33

He asked one question that cut right through all my fear:
“Are you ready to start your new walk with Christ and accept your gift of salvation?”

I was ready.

On October 6, 2024, Cole and I were baptized together.

I watched my son go first, watched him come up out of the water smiling as the pastor presented him to the church. I reached over and hugged him, both of us sopping wet and grinning ear to ear. Then it was my turn.

As I came up from the water, I looked out at the congregation. The cheering and clapping filled the room, and I made eye contact with a woman I didn’t even know. She was waving, smiling, and congratulating me.

In that moment, I felt something I’d never felt before, pure peace.

It was as if every anxious thought I’d ever had was washed away right there in the water.

One Year Later: Peace That Lasts

Within weeks of my baptism, I noticed monumental changes in my life. My anxiety, the thing I had battled for so long, was simply gone.

Not only that, but I was able to stop taking my medication, and a year later, I’m still anxiety-free. The constant undercurrent of fear and self-doubt has been replaced with calm, confidence, and peace.

Even my husband noticed. He told me I seemed lighter, calmer, happier. And it’s true! I finally feel accepted and loved by God, not because of what I do, but because of who He is.

Since my baptism, I’ve grown closer to Jesus, my marriage has strengthened, and I feel more present as a parent. I’ve stepped into boldness I never thought possible, even landing a dream job that I once would have been too anxious to apply for!

Most of all, I’ve learned that I’m not my past. I don’t have to be “good enough” to be loved by Jesus. I just have to keep showing up, keep trying, keep trusting.

“Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” —1 Peter 5:7

I still stumble. Life still gets messy. But I’ve learned that no matter what, Jesus is right beside me.

Finding My Place (and My People)

Since my baptism, our lead pastor retired, and a new pastor stepped in, a transition that once would have terrified me. But this time, I felt a sense of peace. I love the new energy he and his family bring to our church.

I’ve joined the Children’s Ministry and now teach a Sunday School class for a group of joyful, curious 3–5-year-olds. Cole is thriving in the youth group, and we’ve both found lifelong friends within our church family.

We’re home.

Reflection and Encouragement

Maybe you’ve been where I was, searching for a church home, wrestling with doubt, or feeling like you’ve wandered too far to start over.

Friend, let me tell you this: you can always begin again.

Whether your “water moment” comes in a baptism, a whispered prayer, or simply saying yes to Jesus again, He’s waiting with open arms.

“Your story with God doesn’t end where you lost your way. Sometimes, it begins again in the water.”

Lord, thank You for meeting us in our surrender. Thank You for washing away our fear, our shame, and our anxiety. Help us to seek You first, to trust You deeply, and to remember that we are loved exactly as we are. Amen.

Closing Thought

One year later, I can say with complete certainty: Jesus didn’t just invite me into the water. He invited me into peace.

If He can do it for me, He can do it for you too.

If you’ve been feeling a tug on your heart to take the next step in your faith journey, whether that means baptism, rebaptism, or simply reconnecting with God, I want to encourage you to listen to that call. Talk to a pastor, visit a local church, or reach out to a friend who walks with Christ. You don’t have to have it all figured out; you just have to take one step toward Him.

I’d also love to hear your story! If you’ve experienced a moment of renewal or transformation in your faith, share it in the comments or send me a message. Let’s inspire one another to keep growing closer to Jesus.